My Special Relationship…

Prologue

He slapped my guy and pushed so hard that my guy fell a considerable distance away from me. He then attacked me with an unbelievable force. There was intent. He was resolute. I fell on the beach. Then he threw himself all over me, almost entering me in every possible way. Even before I could bring myself together and comprehend what was happening, he threw himself on me, pushing me towards the beach and pulled me back to him, still being all over me. Carnal. I was dizzy, even high with all that sea water inside me. Moments later, he again pushed himself all into me, pushing me harder towards the beach and pulling me more towards himself. A déjà vu of what transpired a while back. He was totally wild today. And I had never seen him like this before. Animal! I cussed under my breath.

Do I feel violated? Or was this relationship leading to all this in the most natural way?? Should I look back in time to analyze how it has been???

About since a year ago, in Mumbai

I arrive in this city and my guy wants me to meet "him", my guy's close buddy since childhood.

My guy introduces me to him. And I feel like I'm in love with him. Yes, it was love at first sight, however clichéd it may sound, but this was really special.

He becomes my solace, the only source of respite from the busy and taxing Mumbai life, which I hadn't quite coped up with. He is the only thing I thanked Mumbai for.

There was something about him, I couldn't understand. May be it was his resemblance with life. His unpredictability. His mood-swings. He mirrored Mumbai, however, that seemed illogical superficially. His liveliness. That energy and sparkle that I could feel in life, always reflected in him. That is why he always attracted me, I guess.

Sometimes we spent whole evenings together. Sometimes there were late-night dates. When I came across him while hanging out with friends, I would totally ignore my friends and just be with him. Sometimes, I would slip out of office during the lunch break to share a few moments with him. It had always been very special, every moment.

I could never have enough of him. Although I could never spend too much time with him, but every moment had always been special.

It wasn't a usual relationship. He wasn't like anybody else. He would always be all ears for me. No matter what I said, good or bad, he always listened to me. But he never replied, he was a patient listener but a poor talker. He probably wanted me to listen to my heart more than anybody else. He probably thought that what others say about your life is noise. He didn't want to contribute to the noise, probably. He always kept silent so that I could listen to the voice of my heart. And strangely, this philosophy worked.

I always felt better after spending time with him. I could just sit near him and not say a word, just keep looking at him. Yet, it felt as if he could listen to my thoughts. There were also these times when I was in a really chirpy mood and would go to see him. He would again do the same, listen to me. I never felt bad about his silence. He had his own ways to show his participation in my joys and sorrows. That contented me.

I never even felt I was cheating on anybody with him. I loved spending time with him. In the initial few days, I could spare a lot of time for him. But slowly it kept reducing. No, the charm never faded. It was only about my availability. Even a single moment of silence spent together would suffice. We never had to bother about the quality of the time spent.

But of late, it had been a long long time since I had spent any time with him. I knew he was always there for me. I never really had to care about any regular meetings or dates. No matter how much time-distance separated us, I knew he would always be there.

Yesterday, at Baga Beach in Goa

I had had loads of fun yesterday. I had spent some nice time with him - playing, running around, giggling. Parting was a little painful, it always is. But I had to go. I was really tired of the sleepless 30 hours spent travelling, working, and reading. I had not planned to meet him right after reaching Goa. I wanted to take some rest before we met. I wanted to be fresh so that I could enjoy every moment with him.

But that attraction couldn't let me stop myself.

And I did end up seeing him immediately. Actually, I'm not sure what my guy knows about my connection with him. He only knows I enjoy my time with him. So, "we" ended up seeing him immediately.

We had had a nice time together, the three of us, on this beach full of romance. There were people enjoying all over the beach. There was so much joy in the air, it almost felt like a sweet-dream.

Being with him in Mumbai had been a lot different. It was only platonic there. But here, it was a lot more. We played a lot on the beach. I still couldn’t get enough of him. But, like I've mentioned, I needed some rest. So, I left with a half-heart. I knew I could meet him the next day as well. And I should have eagerly waited for it.

But, strangely, I found myself trying to avoid him today. It was a pretty lively Sunday and I could see people chilling out on this most happening beach of Goa.

We went to the beach and enjoyed the sight of people having such a gala time.

I had already told my guy I wasn't in a mood to meet him. Despite okaying the thought earlier, on reaching the beach, my guy insisted on meeting him. I told my guy to carry on while I would sit away and watch the frolic from a distance. But eventually, I had to give in to meeting him. I wasn't feeling too right about it. However, it had almost become unavoidable.

So here I was, with my guy and him. We started playing on the beach, like, running around and talking and giggling. It was all pretty joyful. I wasn't feeling awkward anymore. In fact, I was enjoying myself more than yesterday. And then, suddenly something strange happened.

He slapped my guy and pushed so hard that my guy fell a considerable distance away from me. He then attacked me with an unbelievable force. There was intent. He was resolute. I fell on the beach. Then he threw himself all over me, almost entering me in every possible way. Even before I could bring myself together and comprehend what was happening, he threw himself on me, pushing me towards the beach and pulled me back to him, still being all over me. Carnal. I was dizzy, even high with all that sea water inside me. Moments later, he again pushed himself all into me, pushing me harder towards the beach and pulling me more towards himself. A déjà vu of what transpired a while back. He was totally wild today. And I had never seen him like this before. Animal! I cussed under my breath.

Probably he presumed consent because I went to him. And probably it was because of the full moon day approaching that he was so high. Its weird how my sea had such a close connection with the moon, so far away. May be distances don't really matter when the connections are strong.

I was totally flabbergasted with this wild love-making session with the sea. I could feel him everywhere inside me. I couldn’t understand if he was a part of me or I was a part of him. It wasn't anything like normal. It was beyond human. It felt totally crazy. And I don't feel snubbed or violated. I know he is always going to be there for me, just like he has always been- a patient listener, a poor talker, caring, understanding, all absorbing, and always available. May be this was the time he expressed his love for me, in an attempt to prove that he isn't that poor a talker as I have always accused him to be. After all, actions speak louder than words, don't they?

[Congratulations Gautam for your editorial debut. You shall be offered a really lucrative job when i become a full-time author. Until then, be patient.]

His Silent Sobs!!!

Born in a small village in Uttar Pradesh, I was a naughty child,
Even on my disasters, my dad would punish me mild,
My mom said I was the apple of her old eyes,
We all were happy together, it felt very nice.

I spent all my childhood, lazing away with pals,
Unaware of large buildings, cities and malls,
My village was my world, I was a happy kid there,
Where every house and heart, to each other was near.

As I grew up, I realised life was quite tough,
Dealing with it, my parents' hands grew rough,
I was a grown-up too, and had to share the weight,
I even felt bad that may be I realised this very late!

I wanted to do something quickly, to earn big bucks,
But it wasn't possible by farming chicken and ducks,
So I decided to do something that made my parents cry,
But I knew the money would soon puff those tears dry.

I knew I drove pretty well, all the farmers would agree,
For driving tractors in their farms, they could award me a degree,
I decided to go to Mumbai, that’s called the city of dreams,
I would drive autos and taxis there, be a part of drivers' teams.

My mom totally cried her eyes out,
Dad too was upset, without a doubt,
They said they were happy in rags, wanted no riches,
They like their old clothes with hundreds of stitches.

But I was firm, to give them a better life,
I was ready to undergo a period of strife,
Would earn lots of money and save some,
So I can come back soon, back to my home!

With a heavy heart they agreed, what else could they tell?
But before I left, they wanted to hear my wedding bell.
I got married to this girl, as beautiful as the crescent moon,
I knew she'd take care of my parents, and be a real boon.

I had a beautiful month with my new bride,
I'd bathe her in money, I thought with pride,
Promising to call every week and meet every year,
I bade good-bye to each person who was my dear!

Then, to fulfil all my dreams, I arrived in this city that never sleeps,
I couldn't get off my head, the sound of my mom's and wife's weeps,
It wasn't as easy to live alone, as I had thought,
Had for this loneliness, with my family I fought?

But the toughest part was over and now I had to be strong,
I knew that my faith in myself would never prove me wrong.
So all set for every experience, I started to drive,
I was pretty sure, my family, of nothing would deprive.

I drive hundreds to their destinations each day,
And during those trips, a lot of things they say,
I hear all their conversations, and remain noiseless,
Even if I want to advise them, I remain voiceless.

There are husbands and wives that bitterly fight,
I can only miss my loving wife, every day and night,
There are young kids who lie to their mother,
When will I see mine? I can't help but bother.

The homesickness doesn't make me sick however,
I'm more motivated to work harder than ever,
I drive for all the more hours, may be 15 each day,
And I should be able to go back soon, I kind of pray!

Over is a year, and its time for an annual visit to motherland,
They're awaiting my arrival eagerly, with a flower-garland,
I go back to my village, my home, to my beloved folks,
And quickly passes a month, filled with love and jokes.

And the night before I leave, as if, for the war-field,
Talks to me, my bride, with her eyes tears-filled,
She says she doesn't like it without me, its too lonely,
And I assure her, it’s a matter of some more time only!

In a similar fashion, pass a few more years,
Slowly, with time, dried are her tears,
My parents died in their rags, not riches,
And garments for my kids, my wife stitches!

I skipped meals and saved more money,
Sending kids to school, isn't at all funny,
I missed seeing their first walks,
I missed hearing their first talks.

After every trip to home, I decided to put an end,
This would be the last time, I would purely intend,
But time kept passing, seasons after seasons,
My return kept delaying, reasons after reasons!

Now my kids are taller than me, not kids anymore,
But I still need to earn money, may be, a little more,
I don't know for how much more time, here I'll stay,
My head is half bald now, with scanty hair thats gray!

I still drive hundreds of passengers many places,
And back to my family, only my memory traces,
I see young girls and guys, they're all so fine,
Oh! So dearly, I miss those of mine!!

Is this a vicious cycle, I got trapped into?
Is there nothing that I could undo?
I missed living with my parents, kids and wife,
For all my life, I feel sorry, I kept missing life!