ज़रा सा वक़्त!

छोटे छोटे खिलौनों के लिए ज़िद करते थे ,
आज खुद ले सकते हैं पर चाह बदल गयी,
अब तो मन चाहता है कि यादों के समंदर में गोता लगाओ,
और ढूँढके सारे ख़ज़ाने वापिस लाओ!

जिनसे हक़ से लड़ते थे वो इंसान वापिस लाओ,
पुरानी डायरी में लिखी हुई वो तारीख वापिस लाओ,
हँसते खेलते बीती हुई वो शाम वापिस लाओ,
छोटी छोटी बातों पे मिले वो इनाम वापिस लाओ!

और गोते लगाके ले आओ गुज़रा वक़्त,
क़ाश हम बंद करें घड़ी और थम जाए वो वक़्त,
जिस याद में हो हम गुम, ले जाए वहीँ वो वक़्त,
जब तक मन ना भर जाए, रुक जाए ज़रा सा वक़्त!

लम्बे लम्बे सालों से बस कुछ पल वापिस चाहते हैं,
हमेशा के लिए ना सही, तो उधार ही चाहते हैं,
हम कौनसा वक़्त अपने साथ ले जाना चाहते हैं,
बस उन खुशियों का एहसास दोबारा चाहते हैं!

(Can't stop being in awe about the speed of passage of time)

To my best man!

I am getting married in a week,

I know that makes you go weak,

You happened to be the first man in my life,

And now I’m going to be someone else’s wife,

Not that it’ll change the facts about you and me,

But still, quite different, everything will be!

All that happiness portrayed by your smile,

And then those sudden rushes of your bile,

It is obvious how you struggle with yourself,

To accept that I’ll be a trophy of another’s shelf!

You will remain special, just like you’ve always been,

I will always love you, and this, I really really mean!

I will never forget the special moments we shared,

When we showed each other how much we cared,

When we fought bitterly over what’s wrong and right,

And then to sort it out, we hugged each other tight!

Remember how I hugged you and slept like a little one?

Did you then figure out, I’ll be taken away by someone?

Remember how you’d compliment me when I’d cook?

I used to browse for hours together, that recipe book!

When I left the town to study further, I knew you were upset,

But then you understood, it was for a good career’s onset,

Months after months, I kept staying away from you,

And then at times I rushed back- just to be with you,

But whenever came the time to go away again,

Only your eyes showed the separation’s pain!

Your have never been able to speak about your feelings clearly,

But your actions have always conveyed that you love me dearly!

I still remember the look on your face when I got engaged,

I saw the complexity of the smile you had managed,

Down through your cheeks when came those tears,

They clearly expressed all your emotions and fears!

The ceremonies of my wedding, when you will witness,

I can very well imagine the level of your stress,

And when you will put my hand in his hand,

With a trembling body, you’ll manage to stand!

And I still wouldn’t know whether to be happy or sad,

This rush of mixed emotions has made me totally mad!

Sometimes when I look at your face, my mind gets bare,

It questions me, about you, how much did I care?

One moment I feel that I completely understand you,

Another moment I don’t know if I even know you!

Just like you, I’m not good with expressing too,

But I love you a lot, and you know it, don’t you?

The thought of being away from you brings me tears in a moment,

If imagination is so horrifying, reality will be one hell of a torment!

May be we were meant to be away from each other,

But our love is pure and strong, please don’t bother,

I know you feel you won’t have rights on me after I’m wedded,

But trust me- our rights on each other are forever embedded!

The greatest of poets would fail to describe our affinity,

To share our sweetest memories, we will need eternity!

Our relationship is always going to be the most special one,

Nobody can ever replace you in my heart, absolutely no one!

It doesn’t matter that I’ll be called “his wife”,

You will always be the best man of my life!!

We aren’t the only couple, who’ll face this separation- hardship,

This misfortune is a part of every father-daughter relationship,

But when hearts are near, these distances won’t matter,

Our love is the strongest, it will never ever shatter!

Independence of a Lovelorn

She didn’t even turn her head to look back if he was following her,
In fact, she was really hoping he wasn’t.

Until five minutes ago they were sitting at their usual sit-out café,
Discussing over the same old vicious problems,
Lately, their discussions were more of arguments,
In fact, she didn’t even remember when they last had a healthy discussion.

This wasn’t the worst argument of their life,
They have had much bitter ones before,
But, this one ended in a very abrupt and unusual way.

The argument wasn’t even at the peak of its heat,
When she had suggested that there was no solution to this.

They would always start arguing over unsolvable issues,
Issues that weren’t really issues, but, events from the past,
Events that had left both of them hurt and bruised,
And these discussions and arguments would worsen the bruises.

There was no way one could change what had happened in the past,
They could only learn from the past and be careful henceforth.

So every argument was senseless from a solution perspective,
And her suggestion of burying the past was quite a logical one.

But, he had suddenly over-reacted to this suggestion,
He had said that they should end everything between them,
And she also had sternly agreed to it without wasting a moment.

Resultantly, both of them stormed out of the café door simultaneously,
And their paths also happened to be in opposite directions.

This wasn’t the first time he had proposed a break-up.
It had happened two more times very recently.

They had been in a romantic relationship for more than 3 years,
And they had plans to spend their entire lives together.

It was a really strong attraction that had this relationship started,
And it had grown into a quite strong one, apparently,
But then, it wasn’t a fairytale anymore as it had started.

In fact, just after the initial 6 months or so, it started turning bitter,
More of fights and less of love, more of arguments and tensions,
Much more of expectations and less of consideration and understanding,
This is how it had kept on going for almost three years now.

May be it wasn’t supposed to last forever at all,
May be it was just an infatuation from both the sides,
And it got dragged a bit too much under the pretext of love.

Both of them had started pointing out each other’s faults,
As if it were a race for showing the other person down,
They kept on justifying their own acts all the time,
May be they should’ve understood they weren’t compatible.

She was thinking how every time they fought, she had apologized,
Not that she was the only person at fault all the time,
But she knew she needed to do that for keeping it alive,
Just for the sake of the wilting relationship, she kept doing it.

She also had a ton of an ego which she brushed aside after every fight,
While he kept on wagging his tongue to the tune of his inflated ego,
She kept compromising for love which had turned into a mystery.

She was thinking how she had cried bitterly for nights together,
When he would stop taking her calls after smallest of issues,
And she would keep calling him, hoping to sort out and say she loved him.

For her, it had always been about winning his love for a lifetime,
Because she knew they couldn’t live happily forever without love,
But for him, it was always about proving himself right,
He couldn’t let go of his ego for anything, not even love.

She remembered how he never even bothered about her possessiveness,
In fact, her possessiveness was his favorite topic for making fun of her,
He used to make fun of a lot of her feeling which she entrusted him with,
He hadn’t even bothered when she told him she feels like a lovelorn person.

It was almost ten minutes since she was walking from out of the café,
And strangely, she wasn’t crying or sad or upset or hopeless,
She wasn’t even thinking of calling him up and patching up again,
She had had enough of it and wasn’t willing to take it anymore,
She felt a strange feeling of lightness as if she was relieved of a burden,
As if, finally, she was a free bird wanting to truly enjoy her freedom.

She was really confused as to who she was,
She had changed a bit too much for the sake of his likings,
She was barely even a bit of herself for the past few years,
She just couldn’t feel anything from her persona alive.

She kept wondering what had made her so strong to accept the break-up,
She remembered how she would shatter with the thought of losing him,
How she would never listen when everyone said he wasn’t worth her love,
How she would fight with her friends who asked her to leave him.

She had never bothered about his failures, which were a bit too many,
She had never bothered about his narrow-minded mentality,
Not even his constant bickering would stop her from loving him,
She had totally dedicated herself to him and this relationship.

She knew he took a lot of advantage of her unconditional love for him,
But she would always think that was okay, after all, she was all for him,
She also knew he always took her for granted, and on being confronted,
He would bluntly agree and justify by saying thats his trust on her.

But, this time, she was very firm on not attempting to patch up,
She felt that it was the limit of everything she could’ve tolerated,
Her capacity for his bullshit was already over-utilized and that was it.

She felt he should’ve respected her, and her love for him,
He shouldn’t have treated the relationship like a TV Set,
It wasn’t just about his whims and fancies, she had some too,
And she wasn't an object to be taken for granted all the time.

She was amazed with the sweet feeling that suddenly filled her,
The feeling of being herself, independence, having personality,
Of being an individual more than his partner, of being alive,
Of breathing in fresh air, the air of freedom and relief.

She also felt more confident, like she used to be earlier,
She started believing in herself and that she had a life too,
She finally felt like she could do whatever she wants to,
Without worrying about how he would respond to it.

She could wear whatever she liked, without any fears,
She could spend her own money the way she loved to,
She could talk to all her friends without any stupid issues,
She had no fears and no silly botherations, not any more.

But she suddenly felt like all this could be a myth,
What if he was following her and would sort it out right there?
What if he was just waiting for her to turn around and hug him?
Would she never really be independent of the corpse of love?
Would she still need to carry the burden any longer?

She didn’t really want to turn around to see him there,
She wanted to be herself and not his puppet anymore,
She just didn’t want this feeling of freedom to vanish.

She had re-discovered herself after what felt like an era,
And she didn’t want to let it be short-lived.

Scared and hesitant, she slowly turned her head around,
And then she smiled as if her biggest wish was granted,
It struck her that she didn’t even need to verify,
She should’ve known he was long gone with his ego,
Obviously, expecting her to follow him, as usual,
And she happily walked ahead with just one resolution-
She’d never change herself for anyone, anymore!

His Silent Sobs!!!

Born in a small village in Uttar Pradesh, I was a naughty child,
Even on my disasters, my dad would punish me mild,
My mom said I was the apple of her old eyes,
We all were happy together, it felt very nice.

I spent all my childhood, lazing away with pals,
Unaware of large buildings, cities and malls,
My village was my world, I was a happy kid there,
Where every house and heart, to each other was near.

As I grew up, I realised life was quite tough,
Dealing with it, my parents' hands grew rough,
I was a grown-up too, and had to share the weight,
I even felt bad that may be I realised this very late!

I wanted to do something quickly, to earn big bucks,
But it wasn't possible by farming chicken and ducks,
So I decided to do something that made my parents cry,
But I knew the money would soon puff those tears dry.

I knew I drove pretty well, all the farmers would agree,
For driving tractors in their farms, they could award me a degree,
I decided to go to Mumbai, that’s called the city of dreams,
I would drive autos and taxis there, be a part of drivers' teams.

My mom totally cried her eyes out,
Dad too was upset, without a doubt,
They said they were happy in rags, wanted no riches,
They like their old clothes with hundreds of stitches.

But I was firm, to give them a better life,
I was ready to undergo a period of strife,
Would earn lots of money and save some,
So I can come back soon, back to my home!

With a heavy heart they agreed, what else could they tell?
But before I left, they wanted to hear my wedding bell.
I got married to this girl, as beautiful as the crescent moon,
I knew she'd take care of my parents, and be a real boon.

I had a beautiful month with my new bride,
I'd bathe her in money, I thought with pride,
Promising to call every week and meet every year,
I bade good-bye to each person who was my dear!

Then, to fulfil all my dreams, I arrived in this city that never sleeps,
I couldn't get off my head, the sound of my mom's and wife's weeps,
It wasn't as easy to live alone, as I had thought,
Had for this loneliness, with my family I fought?

But the toughest part was over and now I had to be strong,
I knew that my faith in myself would never prove me wrong.
So all set for every experience, I started to drive,
I was pretty sure, my family, of nothing would deprive.

I drive hundreds to their destinations each day,
And during those trips, a lot of things they say,
I hear all their conversations, and remain noiseless,
Even if I want to advise them, I remain voiceless.

There are husbands and wives that bitterly fight,
I can only miss my loving wife, every day and night,
There are young kids who lie to their mother,
When will I see mine? I can't help but bother.

The homesickness doesn't make me sick however,
I'm more motivated to work harder than ever,
I drive for all the more hours, may be 15 each day,
And I should be able to go back soon, I kind of pray!

Over is a year, and its time for an annual visit to motherland,
They're awaiting my arrival eagerly, with a flower-garland,
I go back to my village, my home, to my beloved folks,
And quickly passes a month, filled with love and jokes.

And the night before I leave, as if, for the war-field,
Talks to me, my bride, with her eyes tears-filled,
She says she doesn't like it without me, its too lonely,
And I assure her, it’s a matter of some more time only!

In a similar fashion, pass a few more years,
Slowly, with time, dried are her tears,
My parents died in their rags, not riches,
And garments for my kids, my wife stitches!

I skipped meals and saved more money,
Sending kids to school, isn't at all funny,
I missed seeing their first walks,
I missed hearing their first talks.

After every trip to home, I decided to put an end,
This would be the last time, I would purely intend,
But time kept passing, seasons after seasons,
My return kept delaying, reasons after reasons!

Now my kids are taller than me, not kids anymore,
But I still need to earn money, may be, a little more,
I don't know for how much more time, here I'll stay,
My head is half bald now, with scanty hair thats gray!

I still drive hundreds of passengers many places,
And back to my family, only my memory traces,
I see young girls and guys, they're all so fine,
Oh! So dearly, I miss those of mine!!

Is this a vicious cycle, I got trapped into?
Is there nothing that I could undo?
I missed living with my parents, kids and wife,
For all my life, I feel sorry, I kept missing life!

Your Goodbye!

As you take off to fly high in the sky,

And you bid me a sweet good-bye,

On both our faces we have smiles,

You’ll fly so high, so many miles.

I’m so glad; your dreams came true,

All your efforts have got you through!

You’ve lived for this; you’d die for it,

Of this success, you deserve every bit!

So far, so good; all is better said than done,

You’ve gone away from me, and it’s no fun!

No doubts you’ve achieved your goal,

But my life seems to be in a black-hole!

I feel the cool breeze go cold-hearted,

Getting too strong to be pleasant,

It’s turning wild and hurting me,

As if the skies are punishing me.

I am in a dilemma; happy as well as sad,

I’m unable to decide- is it good or bad?

You’ve got the right path, which you must follow,

I know it for a fact, but my heart feels hollow!

You had to go, and now you’re gone,

But I’m still here, and I’m all alone,

You know how strongly I love you,

And so how much I’ll miss you.

And from the high skies, on this earth when you dive,

After coming back, I hope you find me alive,

Tired of the pain, my soul needs some rest,

But for all your endeavours, I wish you ‘All the Best’.

[Composed by Me (“Nidhi Bagdia”) on 12th October, 2008 (12.10.08)]