Generations Apart...

This post is based on certain discussions that I have recently had with friends of my age regarding how things aren't the same with parents as they were during our childhood.

We all love our parents. And as much as we would like to believe that love is blind, we cannot deny that love isn't deaf and dumb. There are times when we hear them say things which don't fit in our logical minds. We have a completely different opinion on those topics. Sometimes we end up arguing with them but it does't help. The arguments either leave a bitterness in our hearts for some time, or just fall on deaf ears. Sometimes we even get to hear things like "you are too grown up to listen to your parents". Such statements further increase our anguish and we feel worse about these differences we have in our opinions.

Let us take a trip through our growing years and make an analysis. Why is it that we think so different from what they do when they are the ones who brought us up. Aren't we supposed to be a reflection of what our parents are? Isn't reproduction all about creating your own self, again? Let's see...

As kids we hear and understand what our parents say. We learn what they teach us. And that's it. That's truth for us. We do not know whether it's correct or not. And we don't feel the need to know. That's because our mind never challenges it. As we start growing up and meeting more people, we come across different thoughts and different beliefs. Simultaneously our logic starts developing. We start developing the power of reasoning. We start attaining capability to analyze what suits us. We start deciding whether we fit in one system or the other. We start creating our own systems as well. We get exposed to the world and our perceptions change.

Meanwhile, our parents are still living life in a similar way as they were. Of course change is inevitable. But the changes in their lives are usually not as drastic as those in ours. That's simply because they are grownup enough and we are still growing. Life was different while growing up in their times. And after an era, while we are growing, times are totally different. And so are our lives and the way we perceive it. 

It is no rocket science to decipher that such differences are natural amidst generations. But yet we fail to understand them. We fail to accept them.  Because they don't help us hear what our logical minds want to hear. We might even feel guilty about thinking against the thoughts of our creators. After all we do realize that we are what we are because they let us make our lives our way. And how do we overcome this discomfort caused due to the guilt? How do we cope up with those olden illogical theories? How do we bridge the gap and break the wall?

The simplest way is to understand that love and logic don't go along well. Yes. Give it another thought if you need to. Love defies logic and logic doesn't always support love. So the first thing you need to do is separate your logic from the love you have for the elderly. Now that you love them in their absolute state, let's put that important logical thinking to some good use.

Your beliefs are quite strong, aren't they? Now imagine how strong must be their belief system given that they have seen life almost twice as much as you have. When you are so sure about the correctness of your beliefs at this age, they are obviously double sure at their age. You may be ready to change your beliefs given that supporting logic convinces you. But it might not be the same with them. And that's ok. Yes, it is. 

Resistance to change increases with age. Look at yourself now and compare how flexible your mind is as compared to when you were a kid. I'm sure you can see your comfort zone has shrunk over years. Today you might be ready to relocate to another continent if you get a good opportunity but your parents might not even budge at the prospects of a much better life in the neighboring city. So what? That's probably how their life has made them. And probably they didn't have as much choice to mould their lives their ways as you do. You'd never know!

The point is that we need to stop expecting them to change. We need to understand that no matter how necessary change is, it can't be denied that we are resistant to it. And their resistance is naturally going to be stronger than ours. Most of our "problems" with older generations will be solved if we stop linking them with logics and reasoning and just accept them as they are. After all, life is too short and differences will only increase the distance of travel.

[Additional related reads from my blog: Love Defies Logic... ]

अधूरापन...!!!

आज इन आँखों में कुछ नमी सी है 

आज फ़िर महसूस हुई कुछ कमी सी है

तुम बिन दिल की धड़कन कुछ थमी सी है

इस दर्द को मिटा पाना कठिन सा है

इस मन को समझा पाना कठिन सा है

अपने प्रेम को छुपा पाना कठिन सा है

क्यूँ बिछड़ने के लिए मिलते है हम?

क्यूँ हमेशा साथ नहीं होते है हम?

क्यूँ मिलकर बिछड़ ही जाते है हम?

एक दीया जलाया था मन में विश्वास लिए 

हम साथ रहेंगे इस बात की एक आस लिए 

तुम पास रहो तो जलाते रहेंगे रोज़ दीये 

तुम बिन मन की सारी बातें अधूरी है 

तुम बिन खुशियाँ और ख्वाहिशें अधूरी है 

तुम बिन मेरी ये कविता भी तो अधूरी ही है...!!!

To my best man!

I am getting married in a week,

I know that makes you go weak,

You happened to be the first man in my life,

And now I’m going to be someone else’s wife,

Not that it’ll change the facts about you and me,

But still, quite different, everything will be!

All that happiness portrayed by your smile,

And then those sudden rushes of your bile,

It is obvious how you struggle with yourself,

To accept that I’ll be a trophy of another’s shelf!

You will remain special, just like you’ve always been,

I will always love you, and this, I really really mean!

I will never forget the special moments we shared,

When we showed each other how much we cared,

When we fought bitterly over what’s wrong and right,

And then to sort it out, we hugged each other tight!

Remember how I hugged you and slept like a little one?

Did you then figure out, I’ll be taken away by someone?

Remember how you’d compliment me when I’d cook?

I used to browse for hours together, that recipe book!

When I left the town to study further, I knew you were upset,

But then you understood, it was for a good career’s onset,

Months after months, I kept staying away from you,

And then at times I rushed back- just to be with you,

But whenever came the time to go away again,

Only your eyes showed the separation’s pain!

Your have never been able to speak about your feelings clearly,

But your actions have always conveyed that you love me dearly!

I still remember the look on your face when I got engaged,

I saw the complexity of the smile you had managed,

Down through your cheeks when came those tears,

They clearly expressed all your emotions and fears!

The ceremonies of my wedding, when you will witness,

I can very well imagine the level of your stress,

And when you will put my hand in his hand,

With a trembling body, you’ll manage to stand!

And I still wouldn’t know whether to be happy or sad,

This rush of mixed emotions has made me totally mad!

Sometimes when I look at your face, my mind gets bare,

It questions me, about you, how much did I care?

One moment I feel that I completely understand you,

Another moment I don’t know if I even know you!

Just like you, I’m not good with expressing too,

But I love you a lot, and you know it, don’t you?

The thought of being away from you brings me tears in a moment,

If imagination is so horrifying, reality will be one hell of a torment!

May be we were meant to be away from each other,

But our love is pure and strong, please don’t bother,

I know you feel you won’t have rights on me after I’m wedded,

But trust me- our rights on each other are forever embedded!

The greatest of poets would fail to describe our affinity,

To share our sweetest memories, we will need eternity!

Our relationship is always going to be the most special one,

Nobody can ever replace you in my heart, absolutely no one!

It doesn’t matter that I’ll be called “his wife”,

You will always be the best man of my life!!

We aren’t the only couple, who’ll face this separation- hardship,

This misfortune is a part of every father-daughter relationship,

But when hearts are near, these distances won’t matter,

Our love is the strongest, it will never ever shatter!

His Silent Sobs!!!

Born in a small village in Uttar Pradesh, I was a naughty child,
Even on my disasters, my dad would punish me mild,
My mom said I was the apple of her old eyes,
We all were happy together, it felt very nice.

I spent all my childhood, lazing away with pals,
Unaware of large buildings, cities and malls,
My village was my world, I was a happy kid there,
Where every house and heart, to each other was near.

As I grew up, I realised life was quite tough,
Dealing with it, my parents' hands grew rough,
I was a grown-up too, and had to share the weight,
I even felt bad that may be I realised this very late!

I wanted to do something quickly, to earn big bucks,
But it wasn't possible by farming chicken and ducks,
So I decided to do something that made my parents cry,
But I knew the money would soon puff those tears dry.

I knew I drove pretty well, all the farmers would agree,
For driving tractors in their farms, they could award me a degree,
I decided to go to Mumbai, that’s called the city of dreams,
I would drive autos and taxis there, be a part of drivers' teams.

My mom totally cried her eyes out,
Dad too was upset, without a doubt,
They said they were happy in rags, wanted no riches,
They like their old clothes with hundreds of stitches.

But I was firm, to give them a better life,
I was ready to undergo a period of strife,
Would earn lots of money and save some,
So I can come back soon, back to my home!

With a heavy heart they agreed, what else could they tell?
But before I left, they wanted to hear my wedding bell.
I got married to this girl, as beautiful as the crescent moon,
I knew she'd take care of my parents, and be a real boon.

I had a beautiful month with my new bride,
I'd bathe her in money, I thought with pride,
Promising to call every week and meet every year,
I bade good-bye to each person who was my dear!

Then, to fulfil all my dreams, I arrived in this city that never sleeps,
I couldn't get off my head, the sound of my mom's and wife's weeps,
It wasn't as easy to live alone, as I had thought,
Had for this loneliness, with my family I fought?

But the toughest part was over and now I had to be strong,
I knew that my faith in myself would never prove me wrong.
So all set for every experience, I started to drive,
I was pretty sure, my family, of nothing would deprive.

I drive hundreds to their destinations each day,
And during those trips, a lot of things they say,
I hear all their conversations, and remain noiseless,
Even if I want to advise them, I remain voiceless.

There are husbands and wives that bitterly fight,
I can only miss my loving wife, every day and night,
There are young kids who lie to their mother,
When will I see mine? I can't help but bother.

The homesickness doesn't make me sick however,
I'm more motivated to work harder than ever,
I drive for all the more hours, may be 15 each day,
And I should be able to go back soon, I kind of pray!

Over is a year, and its time for an annual visit to motherland,
They're awaiting my arrival eagerly, with a flower-garland,
I go back to my village, my home, to my beloved folks,
And quickly passes a month, filled with love and jokes.

And the night before I leave, as if, for the war-field,
Talks to me, my bride, with her eyes tears-filled,
She says she doesn't like it without me, its too lonely,
And I assure her, it’s a matter of some more time only!

In a similar fashion, pass a few more years,
Slowly, with time, dried are her tears,
My parents died in their rags, not riches,
And garments for my kids, my wife stitches!

I skipped meals and saved more money,
Sending kids to school, isn't at all funny,
I missed seeing their first walks,
I missed hearing their first talks.

After every trip to home, I decided to put an end,
This would be the last time, I would purely intend,
But time kept passing, seasons after seasons,
My return kept delaying, reasons after reasons!

Now my kids are taller than me, not kids anymore,
But I still need to earn money, may be, a little more,
I don't know for how much more time, here I'll stay,
My head is half bald now, with scanty hair thats gray!

I still drive hundreds of passengers many places,
And back to my family, only my memory traces,
I see young girls and guys, they're all so fine,
Oh! So dearly, I miss those of mine!!

Is this a vicious cycle, I got trapped into?
Is there nothing that I could undo?
I missed living with my parents, kids and wife,
For all my life, I feel sorry, I kept missing life!

A non-mysterious Murder...

He was a cool guy. Tall, dark and average looking. Not that he had many friends or that he was too popular or a ladies' man, but he had a few friends which were very close to him and he meant a lot to them. In short, he wasn't a socialite as such but wasn't a loner either. He had a respectable social stature. A very intellectual person. Excelled in most things he ventured into. Had vast knowledge, could be spoken with regarding any topic under the sun. Quite a fun loving person. A dependable confidante for most of his friends. He also had an excellent sense of humor. Quick-witted, sarcastic humor. He knew exactly what needs to be said to whom in what kind of situation. He was an exceptionally caring person for his friends and family. Very very closely attached with his family. An extremely affectionate person. A lover of good food. A true appreciator of all forms of art. Endeared by all his friends. Respected by them. He was looked up to by his friends and family when they needed any help, practically and emotionally. He had the capability to be objective and analyze situations in that light. He was a sensible and a sensitive person. He wasn't too brave or daring but at least loved the ideas of adventures. He never had the best of anything but knew how to make the most of whatever he had. And he was satisfied with his life. He believed he didn't have any problems with his life and was quite happy with his life on a whole. A dog-lover. Quite amusingly gifted to note details of things. He also had the gift of gab. Loved to gossip. Had the capability to make one feel comfortable and valued in his presence. He always voiced against the wrong and stood by it till the end. He fought for others. Down-to-earth. Enviably happy and content with his life. He was a man with self-respect. In one word, he was Awesome.

And then, he let a girl enter in to his life.

All the awesomeness walked out of his life. His obvious problem was Choice. He made the wrong choice. He let the wrong girl enter his life. Now he's treated much worse than one would ever treat a dog. He never gathered the courage to object her when she was wrong. He can’t fight even for himself. And she never realized it on her own. Now he has friends, but no freedom to be with them. He is too tied up fulfilling her whims and fancies. No more attached to his family. Has lost the appetite for happiness, probably even forgotten what happiness and contentment feel like. Hasn't had fun in ages and forgotten what smile and laughter are. Humor? Not in touch with that either. Now, there's only one word for his condition: Awful. Friends can’t help but pity his life. She is the murderer. But it was no back-stabbing. He chose it for himself. She murdered his awesomeness, and he let her.

True Story.

Everything Passes By!

 

The long summer days when you drench in sweat,

The pouring rainy evenings that make you all wet!

The cold nights that make you shiver,

The chills that make you quiver!

The stress at work that makes you mad,

The failures that make you feel bad!

The success that makes you brightly shine,

The bottles of champagne & glasses of wine!

The moments of anger, disgust and pain,

The times when you feel like all is in vain!

The tears you shed when reality bites,

The joy you feel on flying kites!

The speed of a super-fast life,

The sharpness of a brand-new knife!

The brightness of a shining light,

The glories of a brave Knight!

The smiles, laughter and little joys,

The innocence of those young boys!

The pride and joy of having power,

The sweetness of a fresh flower!

The strength of those tall pillars,

The ugly phase of caterpillars!

The carefree days of your childhood,

The taste of your favorite food!

The excitement of that first date,

The curiosity to know your fate!

The subtle pain of your wisdom tooth,

The long queue outside a telephone booth! 

The charm of that attractive smile,

The energy to run that extra mile!

The smell of your freshly painted house,

The adjustments with your new spouse!

The love for your new car,

The pain of a fresh scar!

The time when you badly miss your best friend,

The time when you wish that the hardships end!

The value of every breath,

And finally the fear of Death!!!

[Composed on 19.10.2010 and 20.10.2010]

Changing Colours!

People change as seasons do,

Priorities and relationships too!

Sometimes green and sometimes blue,

How? Why? When? – You can never have a clue!

Buddies of good times forget each other,

Nobody even finds any time to bother

Out of sight becomes out of mind,

Every promise and memory is left behind.

An acquaintance becomes better than a friend,

A casual conversation seems to never end,

Whereas with an old friend you may sit silent,

Even this silence can hurt as if it is violent.

Relations of blood change their colours,

Most ships are sunk by their own sailors.

Each and every smile turns into a frown,

When own brothers fight for the crown!

Changed are all feelings and emotions,

And so are changed the love relations.

Greatest of lovers turn into strangers,

‘Red of love’ turns into ‘red of dangers’.

People change as seasons do,

Relationships- when reasons do!

There are hardly any controls in your range,

Not the world, only yourself you can change!

[Composed by Me (“Nidhi Bagdia”) on 31^st December, 2008 (31.12.2008) ]