ज़रा सा वक़्त!

छोटे छोटे खिलौनों के लिए ज़िद करते थे ,
आज खुद ले सकते हैं पर चाह बदल गयी,
अब तो मन चाहता है कि यादों के समंदर में गोता लगाओ,
और ढूँढके सारे ख़ज़ाने वापिस लाओ!

जिनसे हक़ से लड़ते थे वो इंसान वापिस लाओ,
पुरानी डायरी में लिखी हुई वो तारीख वापिस लाओ,
हँसते खेलते बीती हुई वो शाम वापिस लाओ,
छोटी छोटी बातों पे मिले वो इनाम वापिस लाओ!

और गोते लगाके ले आओ गुज़रा वक़्त,
क़ाश हम बंद करें घड़ी और थम जाए वो वक़्त,
जिस याद में हो हम गुम, ले जाए वहीँ वो वक़्त,
जब तक मन ना भर जाए, रुक जाए ज़रा सा वक़्त!

लम्बे लम्बे सालों से बस कुछ पल वापिस चाहते हैं,
हमेशा के लिए ना सही, तो उधार ही चाहते हैं,
हम कौनसा वक़्त अपने साथ ले जाना चाहते हैं,
बस उन खुशियों का एहसास दोबारा चाहते हैं!

(Can't stop being in awe about the speed of passage of time)

यादों का खज़ाना..!!

वक़्त तो बस गुज़रता जाता है,

हम समझ ही नहीं पाते कहाँ गया!

पंछी की तरह उड़ जाता है,

हम खोजते रह जाते धरती की गलियों में!

बीती बातों को बीते ज़माने बीत गए,

हम क़ैद रह गए ना जाने किन पलों में!

जब भी यादों की गठरी खोलें,

खज़ाना सा बिख़र जाता है मन के मंच पे!

प्यारी प्यारी उन बातों को बीते ज़माना गुज़र गया?

छोटी छोटी उन रातों को रूठे ज़माना गुज़र गया!!

आईना जब देखते हैं तब एहसास होता है उम्र का,

मन तो शायद बचपन की गलियों में ही रह गया!

वो लुका-छुपी पकड़ा-पकड़ी के खेल जो खेलते थे हम,

खेलने वाले वो दोस्त के बजाय, या तो वक़्त था या मन!

दिन ना जाने कैसे ज़माने हो गए,

और दोस्त भी दुनिया की भीड़ में खो गए! 

ना जाने क्या जादू चलाया ज़िन्दगी ने हम पे,

हम ज़िद्दी बच्चे से बड़े समझदार हो गए!

वो माँ का आँचल, वो पापा की गोदी,

वो शादी का मंडप, और पहली खुश-खबरी,

अरे! कैसे भाग चला गया वक़्त?

अब तो हमारी गुड़िया भी बड़ी हो गयी!

ऐसे ही ज़िन्दगी बीत जायेगी फ़िसलती रेत की तरह,

और हम सोचते ही रह जाएंगे कि वक़्त गया तो कहाँ गया!!

(Fascinated by the speed of time)

Just Once.. Again!!

I look at my little baby, and want to be a baby again
I want to go back to the beautiful days of childhood again
I want to grow up just like the way I did, once again
I want to feel all the feelings I overlooked, yet again

I want to experience, how it was to enter the world
And even before that, when I floated in liquid gold
Could I really hear when my mother sang to me?
How did I react when she spoke to me?

I want to see how the world feels for the first time
I want to know how it felt to feed for the first time
The first touch of my father and grandparents
The first time when I recognize my parents

I really want to feel the first taste of solid food
And would I just reject it or find it perfectly good?
I want to go back to the first day of my school
Cry while leaving from home and then later be cool?

My first fancy dress competition, as a buttermilk vendor
The first time of piercing my ears, Oh! So tender!!
The first time ever when I took a test
The first time I felt that I was the best

I want to hear the elders say childhood is the best
And believe them this time and let my questions rest
I want to go again for the first trip of my life
And not care about being a mother or wife

The first school picnic in a garden near our own school
Was so much more exciting than a 5-star's infinity pool
A lunchbox given by mom with a chocolate for surprise
Participate in parents day and win my first prize!

That carefree sleep for long hours anywhere and anytime
Those restrictions like studying to earn TV time
I want to argue with my parents and again pick a fight
Despite knowing what they say, for me, is always right

I want to kiss my grandpa again and give him a tight hug
Once more before death snatches him like a thug
I want to believe again that the dead become stars
I want to live that life where only bodies get scars

When games that we played made us healthy
When friends were just friends, not poor or wealthy
When our fights were for toys and cardboard swords
And our weapons were not rude and hurtful words

I want to live that life of innocence once again
I want to radiate unconditional love yet again
I want that infinite happiness without a bargain
Gosh! I just want to live my childhood again!!

Back in the box...

The Blabber:

Hello there! It has been really really really long having posted something here, 17-18 months to be precise. And I could have been "doubly productive" in that long a time. Anyways, I intend to compensate my absence with a lot of posts hence-forth. But it'll first start with a lot of blabbering and then move ahead to the actual post. So if you want to cut my blabber, please scroll down directly to "The Post".

Alright, now that you choose to read my blabber, be warned, it's A LOT. 

First things first, let me take off my guilt-coat for not having written in a long long time. Well, I could have had a lot of excuses to list as reasons. But honestly, I was just to lazy and caught up in real life. I barely got time to jot it down. I must have written thousand of posts in my head, but unfortunately, they couldn't make it to this spot. But the good news is, I intend to be regular at writing again.

Also, I have never made new year resolutions for the last so many years that I remember. But this time I did. They aren't really the kind that come and go. These are more practical ones. Things that I have been meaning to accomplish since a while. And one of those resolutions is to write regularly.

Honestly, I have been really missing my blog. And every time I happen to be in a situation that's blog-worthy, I sort of make a mental note to post about it. So, we can hope for a lot to come because while I was away, I have been giving a lot of advises and relationship gyaan to my friends. And usually that is the stuff that makes it to this page in a different avatar. 

Anyways, enough of promises of intent. Let's come to the point. I really haven't planned how I am going to write this post but I am sure what it is about. So this is about a promise I made to a dear friend about 3 years ago. And when I decided to start writing again, I wanted to start with fulfilling the long pending promise. I guess he must have even forgotten about this request of his to write on this topic. But I am a lady of my word.

Just a brief background, and some planned coincidence-
My friend has a blog called "Blabber", where his first blog is "Back in the Box" which revolves around a lamp post. And that explains "The Post" below. I am going to quote certain pieces from there because this is in reply to a request.

The Post:

Woke up to a message from a friend (Early during Feb 2011) which said : 

Was drunken awake @ 4. Watching dutiful ol’ lamp-post, lone in the starlight. Later to ask myself, “Why is it that we try to make sense of everything we bump across?” Thought of writing it maself, then the wise little birdie wispered in its soft tone, “Plead it to the experts”

I had to read it again to make sense of it, not just because I had just woken up, but also because there was a lot in the short message. Most importantly, I couldn't believe it came from him. He was usually the victim of all my lectures and pranks. But more than that he was a fan of my writing. Hence, the request. 

I called him up to check what he exactly meant by that. He said that he meant it doesn't make sense to find sense in everything. Like a lamp post on the road has got no meaning. It is just there because it should be. Just because it would be dark without it. There is nothing else about it. I wondered if he was thinking too much. But  before I could think much, he again asked me to write about it. 

So, the request was written as well as verbal as well as in senselessness as well as in senses. Although I really didn't know what to write, I still made a promise that I would. It got more serious when he mentioned about it in his first blog like:

Wrote a senseless message to a friend, Was drunken awake @ 4. Watching dutiful ol’ lamp-post, lone in the starlight. Later to ask myself, “Why is it that we try to make sense of everything we bump across?” Thought of writing it maself, then the wise little birdie wispered in its soft tone, “Plead it to the experts” (She promises me that I can see this in one of her blogs, I’m waiting…).

And now the request was public. But I knew one thing, no matter when I write about it and what I write about it, it will always be in contrast to this belief. So here I go...

I am a strong believer of "everything has a meaning". I also believe that "everything happens for a reason". Yes, and that's the reason I believe that everything has a deeper meaning than we can see superficially. Of course we can't know each and every aspect of everything that we see. But that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Like in the case of a lamp-post, although it is there to provide us the much needed light, it could have been carrying so many more stories. Most probably the stories got created because the post already exists there, but we would never know if the post was there because those things were meant to happen! Lets say for example, 

• A sad group of friends was meant to cheer up, so the lamp-post was exactly where one of them would turn around and bump into it
• An insecure girlfriend was meant to be assured when the lamp-post was exactly where her boyfriend promised to her to stand by her like the same lamp-post
• An old man was meant to be safe when he held the lamp-post on feeling weak
• And, there could be so much more......

This world is not just an accident. It has been planned very carefully. If you think about it, you'll agree with me. There is a reason behind every small thing. The pettiest and most meaningless things could hold logic beyond our philosophical capacities. One need not be able to understand things as and when they happen. Most of the times, they affect your lives later enough to even remember. 

I am sure all of us meet a lot of people. We do not get along with everybody, and most of the friendships don't even last forever. We also get into wrong relationships and suffer heartbreaks and headaches. But then, when we meet the right people, we really understand their value because of the wrong ones.. because we know how much better they are and how much worse people can be. We also evolve with every incident that happens in our life. Each person is a catalyst in our life. Whatever we are today is because of the smallest of things that we did yesterday. And this will continue for ever. 

I wouldn't want to miss mentioning the movie "Sucker Punch" symbolizes the Symbolic nature of life very well. The things that we categorize insignificant could symbolize a big deal. That is the way life gives you hints and warnings. But yeah, although symbolization is something that can connect with this topic, I feel like saving it for later. May be a blog-overdose could carry deeper effects.

Who had thought that a stupid message from a drunk guy at 4 a.m. could create so many things? That message started his blog. It made me come back to my blog earlier than I would have otherwise. It made me reuse my old laptop which was literally buried under a heap of other useless things. And it will soon make my friend realize, I do keep promises.

So Yash, this is for you buddy! Cheers!!

अधूरापन...!!!

आज इन आँखों में कुछ नमी सी है 

आज फ़िर महसूस हुई कुछ कमी सी है

तुम बिन दिल की धड़कन कुछ थमी सी है

इस दर्द को मिटा पाना कठिन सा है

इस मन को समझा पाना कठिन सा है

अपने प्रेम को छुपा पाना कठिन सा है

क्यूँ बिछड़ने के लिए मिलते है हम?

क्यूँ हमेशा साथ नहीं होते है हम?

क्यूँ मिलकर बिछड़ ही जाते है हम?

एक दीया जलाया था मन में विश्वास लिए 

हम साथ रहेंगे इस बात की एक आस लिए 

तुम पास रहो तो जलाते रहेंगे रोज़ दीये 

तुम बिन मन की सारी बातें अधूरी है 

तुम बिन खुशियाँ और ख्वाहिशें अधूरी है 

तुम बिन मेरी ये कविता भी तो अधूरी ही है...!!!

To my best man!

I am getting married in a week,

I know that makes you go weak,

You happened to be the first man in my life,

And now I’m going to be someone else’s wife,

Not that it’ll change the facts about you and me,

But still, quite different, everything will be!

All that happiness portrayed by your smile,

And then those sudden rushes of your bile,

It is obvious how you struggle with yourself,

To accept that I’ll be a trophy of another’s shelf!

You will remain special, just like you’ve always been,

I will always love you, and this, I really really mean!

I will never forget the special moments we shared,

When we showed each other how much we cared,

When we fought bitterly over what’s wrong and right,

And then to sort it out, we hugged each other tight!

Remember how I hugged you and slept like a little one?

Did you then figure out, I’ll be taken away by someone?

Remember how you’d compliment me when I’d cook?

I used to browse for hours together, that recipe book!

When I left the town to study further, I knew you were upset,

But then you understood, it was for a good career’s onset,

Months after months, I kept staying away from you,

And then at times I rushed back- just to be with you,

But whenever came the time to go away again,

Only your eyes showed the separation’s pain!

Your have never been able to speak about your feelings clearly,

But your actions have always conveyed that you love me dearly!

I still remember the look on your face when I got engaged,

I saw the complexity of the smile you had managed,

Down through your cheeks when came those tears,

They clearly expressed all your emotions and fears!

The ceremonies of my wedding, when you will witness,

I can very well imagine the level of your stress,

And when you will put my hand in his hand,

With a trembling body, you’ll manage to stand!

And I still wouldn’t know whether to be happy or sad,

This rush of mixed emotions has made me totally mad!

Sometimes when I look at your face, my mind gets bare,

It questions me, about you, how much did I care?

One moment I feel that I completely understand you,

Another moment I don’t know if I even know you!

Just like you, I’m not good with expressing too,

But I love you a lot, and you know it, don’t you?

The thought of being away from you brings me tears in a moment,

If imagination is so horrifying, reality will be one hell of a torment!

May be we were meant to be away from each other,

But our love is pure and strong, please don’t bother,

I know you feel you won’t have rights on me after I’m wedded,

But trust me- our rights on each other are forever embedded!

The greatest of poets would fail to describe our affinity,

To share our sweetest memories, we will need eternity!

Our relationship is always going to be the most special one,

Nobody can ever replace you in my heart, absolutely no one!

It doesn’t matter that I’ll be called “his wife”,

You will always be the best man of my life!!

We aren’t the only couple, who’ll face this separation- hardship,

This misfortune is a part of every father-daughter relationship,

But when hearts are near, these distances won’t matter,

Our love is the strongest, it will never ever shatter!

Being A Spinster!!!

I lean over the window-pane,
And glance along the below lane,
I take a small sip from my glass of wine,
And silently wish someone was mine!


When I had the time to choose a mate,
I never bothered and left it to my fate,
Every man that came my way,
I always ensured he moved away.


Not that I had never felt the same,
But I thought being in love was lame,
I wish I had never imposed this ban,
Without an exception, on every man!


Now I wish I had someone all mine,
Who could share with me, this glass of wine!
Even if he were away, several hundred miles,
He would at least call me, giving me smiles!


As I see the clouds getting ready to rain,
I wish I had someone to share my pain,
Someone with whom in these rains I'd drench,
And on turning cold, his fist I'd clench!


I see the old couple in the neighborhood,
They seem together forever, since childhood,
Wouldn't it be wonderful to have a companion?
Who'd ride the bike of life, with you as a pillion!


The young couple is dancing in the rainy street,
And they seem to be enjoying it, like a great treat,
While I think I'm going to be alone every night,
I hold my wine glass, all the more tight!


I wish I gave a thought when the world said,
Staying alone could feel like life is unpaid,
I wish I took things in the right sense then,
When I had a space in the hearts of many men!


But I chose to take the road that was less taken,
Why didn't at the right time, my mind awaken?
Who's going to accept me now with these wrinkles and sags?
Apart from this bottle of wine and a few fags?


Wish I realized how important it was to have someone,
To wait for him to come home, to be his loved one!
When I hear the young lady upstairs moan,
With all my senses, I deeply mourn!


Who will forever take care of my needs?
Who will gift me necklace of metal and beads?
Will I always have to let my thoughts remain unspoken?
The glass accidentally slips from my hand, it is broken!


The fall of the glass, makes me utter a scream,
Oh! I was sleeping, and this was just a dream.
It is time hurry up and get ready for my new date,
And I know my nightmare is not going to be my fate.

Everything Passes By!

 

The long summer days when you drench in sweat,

The pouring rainy evenings that make you all wet!

The cold nights that make you shiver,

The chills that make you quiver!

The stress at work that makes you mad,

The failures that make you feel bad!

The success that makes you brightly shine,

The bottles of champagne & glasses of wine!

The moments of anger, disgust and pain,

The times when you feel like all is in vain!

The tears you shed when reality bites,

The joy you feel on flying kites!

The speed of a super-fast life,

The sharpness of a brand-new knife!

The brightness of a shining light,

The glories of a brave Knight!

The smiles, laughter and little joys,

The innocence of those young boys!

The pride and joy of having power,

The sweetness of a fresh flower!

The strength of those tall pillars,

The ugly phase of caterpillars!

The carefree days of your childhood,

The taste of your favorite food!

The excitement of that first date,

The curiosity to know your fate!

The subtle pain of your wisdom tooth,

The long queue outside a telephone booth! 

The charm of that attractive smile,

The energy to run that extra mile!

The smell of your freshly painted house,

The adjustments with your new spouse!

The love for your new car,

The pain of a fresh scar!

The time when you badly miss your best friend,

The time when you wish that the hardships end!

The value of every breath,

And finally the fear of Death!!!

[Composed on 19.10.2010 and 20.10.2010]

The Reason...

Many a times you feel very happy or sad, so much so that it shows up in every thing you do. You might not care about what people around you think of whatever you do in that flow of the feeling. You might just sing loudly, dance around, walk with a sway, giggle and chuckle, crack stupid jokes or sit quietly with a long face, not respond to conversations properly, be gloomy even in an environment of total fun.


In either of the cases, people around you who care about you would ask you the reason for your happiness or sadness. And you wouldn't mind telling them provided that you knew the reason yourself. And then you start thinking about the reason why you feel that way.


I feel one should try to find the reason for sadness only and not that of one's happiness. The logic is simple. Why do you need to know the reason of your happiness when you are already happy? You should figure out the reason for your sadness because that helps you understand the problem that's the root cause of your sadness. And once you know the problem, you might try to solve it or compromise with it. 


Now, if you feel you should know the reason for your happiness so that you could make it recur time and again... Think about it again! Don't you anyways know what makes you happy? Are there really so less things that make you happy that you would like to repeat the reasons of your happiness time and again?? Can you actually control things around you so much that you manage to make that reason recur??? 


Seriously, do you need to waste your time trying to figure out the reason instead of enjoying the state of your happiness? Is it really worth those precious moments??


So, now you know when to look within yourself for 'the reason'... 

Good Times Fly!

A class lecture or a meeting so boring,
That you almost doze off and start snoring!
You hope so much and wish hard for it to end,
But it seems the clock-needle, an inch wouldn't bend!

Every moment of pain and hurt,
Every second in emotional dirt,
Boredom, illness, struggles and blues,
When will they clear- all the hues?
 

The first kiss finishes as quickly as a sneeze,
No matter how you wish the time could freeze!
A walk while drizzles and holding hands,
Time escapes like those grains of sands!
 

A never-ending night while those horrifying night-mares,
Blood-shed, dead bodies, and riots in those shacks;
While all those sweet dreams with smiling glares,
And just before something good, Oops! Dawn cracks!!
 

Is it an attribute of time- this illusion,
Or is it Hope- the quintessential delusion?
No matter what ways, to hold them you try,
With all their force, Good Times will Fly!!
 

[Composed in a snoring-boring class lecture on 26th September 2009]

The Passing Cloud!

People come and people go,

Life, indeed, has its own flow.

Nobody ever stops for you,

And so, nobody should stop you.

Some people come like a breeze of cool air,

And add more colours to your life,

But when they go, life’s like a nightmare,

More of a pain, sufferings and strife.

But it’s just a matter of time,

And then the pain will be rime,

Always existent but never alive,

Like a body, but the soul skive.

It gets quite difficult to let go of each bit,

But either now or later, you have to quit,

Sooner the better, you’ll be relieved of the pain,

May be a lot to lose, but then ‘peace to gain’.

Just take each incident as a beautiful dream,

Do not blubber and do not scream!

Let people come and let people go,

Enjoy your life and enjoy the flow!

[Composed by Me (“Nidhi Bagdia”) on 22nd September, 2008]